Lifestyle & Fun

Prosecutor 'indicts' Punxsutawney Phil over cold weather

Friday, March 22, 2013
punxsutawney phil

A prosecutor in Butler County, Ohio, is apparently ready to go to court over the cold start to spring, and he's laying the blame at the feet of the rodent best known for predicting when the season will start.

Well, not really, but it does appear that Prosecutor Mike Gmoser is frustrated by the recent cold spell.

Gmoser handed out an "indictment" Thursday against Punxsutawney Phil, the Pennsylvania groundhog who is pulled from his burrow every February 2 to predict the start of spring.

"It's definitely not spring, it's a snowstorm and temperatures in the teens," Gmoser said. "and when I came to work in the wind and the cold, I said to myself something is wrong with Phil. You know Punxsutawney has some answers that he needs to give, and I'm just going to have to indict him."

In this press release, Gmoser says that on Groundhog Day, Phil "did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that spring would come early."

"Of course I'm seeking the death penalty," he said. "Because let's face it, Phil is already behind bars with a life sentence. What else is left?... After all, this is a story with legs, right? At least four."

Contrary to the Groundhog Day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been and are predicted to continue in the near future, which Gmoser says constitutes the offense of misrepresentation of early spring, an unclassified felony.

"I know that he's going to have his supporters, but I asked the Governor of Ohio first to extradite Phil," Gmoser said. "I know there will be a challenge, but we are going to our utmost to bring spring as fast as we can."

Gmoser says it's time that a critter from Ohio gets a chance to predict the weather, possibly a Buckeye hound dog.

"Phil is out there in the media, and I think if maybe he's got a brother or something like that, there needs to be one," he said. "Because right now, Phil doesn't seem to know his backside from a hole in the ground. And that's his defense probably."

The people of Punxsutawney have yet to issue a response.

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